Showing posts from August, 2016

Strangle struggle

Saturday, October 19th, 2013
Narration of a #Nightmare

I watch him,
Coming towards me through the crowd,
Looking intensely as if he can see through me,
Seeing my deepest thoughts and unspoken fears.
His hands reaches for me,
His body drawn closer to mine.
I can feel his breath against my jaw.
I can smell a strong, odd pepper smell.
His hand wraps around my throat,
And already I'm chocking,
Searching for air,
My hands sweating,
My eyes watering.
Now I'm only smoke.
And I wake up.

A photo posted by Florence Poirel (@florencepoirel) on Jul 22, 2016 at 2:27am PDT

Latter days

"Tuesday,  3am
Once again I cannot sleep.
It's like I'm waiting for time to fix some part of me that keeps on breaking.
I've already thrown out the newspaper,
And I've washed the leftover dishes.
Nothing to do but stay here,  think."

Disclaimer: this is not my original work. For some reason, every time I wake up in the middle of the night and cannot fall back asleep, this text come into mind.
Source : Journal entry from 'Christian' in movie Latter Days Song
Morning world! A photo posted by Florence Poirel (@florencepoirel) on Aug 9, 2016 at 8:56pm PDT

Another early morning

Wednesday August 10, 2016
Dublin, Google Office

My issue is not falling asleep in the evening, my issue is staying asleep at night...

I've been awake for a bit now, but just checked the clock. Here we are again.

Step 1: Problem Analysis

Why the F*** can't I sleep? Is it because my mind is racing? Because some light is disturbing my sleep? Or because someone somewhere is awake and alive and making noises that prevent me from sleeping: cars driving by, birds singing, etc.?

Each issue now has a "solution":
- light: put an eye mask on
- noise: put noise cancelling headphones on
- mind racing: well, that's a several step process!

Tonight, my mind is buzzing, my heart is racing. I need to calm the F*** down. I pick up my notebook and start writing down whatever is cluttering up my psyche:
- list of things to do tomorrow (well, today) at the office,
- list of action items to finish before end of week for work,
- list of things to take on vacations,
- list of…

Knock me out!

July 12, 2016Reykholt, Iceland 2:15am
Sleep or more the deprivation of sleep is ruining my vacations. While B. can just fall asleep anywhere anytime and M. can sleep through loud chatter from his phone, right by his head, I try desperately to find a quiet place to sleep. But noise is constant, and noise is everywhere. I just can't fall asleep. Instead, I'm crying. Because I'm exhausted, because I'm fed up of not sleeping. Because I'm envious of those who can fall asleep so easily. Story of my life, as usual. I often think about hitting my head strongly against the wall to knock myself out. Yet, I have a feeling the headache the following day might just not be worth it. So I wait for sleep to call on me... And I wait...

A photo posted by Florence Poirel (@florencepoirel) on Jul 22, 2016 at 10:25am PDT