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Showing posts from 2017

Through clouds and shadows

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I haven't been myself, not for a while now... That is the realisation I reached through this burnout and consecutive necessary timeoff. Just say: “YES!” was my motto as reminded me a good friend. Where is that Flo gone? Don't get me wrong: I brought myself there, on my very own, willingly and aware. I love my job and freely gave my full mind to it. I love my company and dedicated my energy to serve it. My ambition and passion for challenging and exciting work have been entirely satisfied so far, but at what cost? The positive and enthusiastic social butterfly is gone, or maybe hibernating. - Do you recall, not long ago, when we used to be free spirited, explore the world around us, and not be so cautious? I miss that Flo. I used to walk the streets barefoot, dancing around by day and by night; now I safely stay home. I used to seek my friend's time; now I push them away. It is time to be myself again.

My tiny little pill

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I should be asleep right now.
I took a sleeping pill several hours ago, yet something woke me up. Not sure what or who; my brain is fuzzy..

What time is it? 3:17am. I have work in a few hours.
I stand up and walk to the kitchen for some water.
I already feel some of the side effects of the medication, the most common ones. Unstable heartbeat, dizziness, blurred vision.
I am used to them by now. It is like I'm intoxicated but without the delectable toxin. I know I should not be up.
I have hurt myself before, and I know the longer I keep standing, the more chances I'll hurt myself again.

I walk back to my bedroom, safely holding myself against the walls.
I'm so confused, I run into the door frame, hurting my forehead _ hard. Ouch. That will hurt in the morning.
All this sleepwalking is ruining my budget. Sleeping tablets and painkillers are my main expenses by now.
I finally reach my bed and lay down, trying to relax, and get back to my senses.

I fall in and out of con…