My tiny little pill

I should be asleep right now.
I took a sleeping pill several hours ago, yet something woke me up. Not sure what or who; my brain is fuzzy..

What time is it? 3:17am. I have work in a few hours.
I stand up and walk to the kitchen for some water.
I already feel some of the side effects of the medication, the most common ones. Unstable heartbeat, dizziness, blurred vision.
I am used to them by now. It is like I'm intoxicated but without the delectable toxin.
I know I should not be up.
I have hurt myself before, and I know the longer I keep standing, the more chances I'll hurt myself again.

I walk back to my bedroom, safely holding myself against the walls.
I'm so confused, I run into the door frame, hurting my forehead _ hard. Ouch. That will hurt in the morning.
All this sleepwalking is ruining my budget. Sleeping tablets and painkillers are my main expenses by now.
I finally reach my bed and lay down, trying to relax, and get back to my senses.

I fall in and out of consciousness before I decide to take another pill.
I know I shouldn't.
It will be worse tomorrow, when my alarm pulls me out of the sleep I finally managed to force on myself.
I'll have to drag myself out of bed, stand under cool water until my eyes can finally open, apply makeup to hide the puffy eyes and fool myself in thinking that all is good, and I can go through another one of these days.

And then what? That day is over; it's time for bed again, and anxiety kicks back in. Will I be able to sleep tonight?
And like an addict, I don't try to answer that question. I take two pills from my strongest medication.
And start my silent prayer: knock me out, please knock me out, please please.
And I do it all over again.

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